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Friday, August 29, 2003
A not so poem-poem
By Ryan Bach
Where will this path lead to?
Will it bring me the path of glory or destruction?
This indecision to act clouds my mind with anxiety
I don’t know, I simply don’t know
But I don’t wish to step out blindly
To be struck down to the ground
Losing control, my body is limp, unable to recover
No, I wish to be in control of my life
But time is so fragile, easily manipulated by events
One event can lead to the course of many
Or one action can lead the inability to act
So many outcomes and so many unknowns
The future is not so easily seen
Hard to reach your goals when so much lies in the way
So many decisions lie in wait for you
What will you decide?
But indecision is a choice
It has the power to change your future
Never acquiring anything, good or bad
Never achieving, never losing
That in itself, is a loss
A loss of ambition, a loss of goals
Unable to become anything for there is no motivation
Without motivation to take risks
The mind is weak, the mind has cowered
The anxiety has taken over
And no decision can be made
And the future is thus shattered
With every choice a new future is either created or destroyed
What once could be, can not become
The possibility is erased, and replaced with a new one
But it is possible to put the pieces of a future together
You must fix the pieces to suit the final outcome
And once put together a first time
It may not be as easy to repair the second time around
For time’s fragileness is hard to manage
Now Playing - "Fifth Dimension - Age of Aquarius"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 12:06 AM
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Thursday, August 28, 2003
A letter of disapointment
What you will be reading is a letter that I had written this morning to my school principal in regards the recent problems that the school has been reluctant to fix. Maybe I'm the first one who has actually brought this to their attention via email, or I am one of many, either way my voice needs to be heard.
Dear Principal Mayhugh,
My name is Ryan Bach and I am a senior attending FVHS. I do not write this letter to condemn the recent events at the school, rather I am trying to get something done about the problems that seem to keep happening. I do not know of any other way than this to bring these problems to your attention, but I feel it must be solved and the only way of doing this is by you. Even if you do not know how you can solve such problems as the ones I am about to tell you, it may give you the ability to prevent it from happening in the school years to come.
As you know the school was selling the parking permits for the school parking lot, however the design in which it was done was, to put it bluntly, a complete mess. Nothing was organized, and people were standing in huge crowds surrounding the windows of the supervision office. There were no lines, no information as to what the crowds were about, and no one to settle the chaos. How can a student attending know what anything is about if you just let everyone run rampant around the school during registration? I, for one, had a huge problem finding my way through the mess to figure out where I would have to go next, since I was not informed otherwise. After getting my class list, I was told nothing else, other than where my locker would be, either your staff was not informed of any other things provided at the school, or they simply were not doing their job. I feel that this needs to be taken care of in the school events later throughout the years of FVHS, and what needs to be in place is some form of order to decrease the amount of confusion and chaos.
Another problem I have is that I am a senior in FVHS and I cannot even buy a parking permit to park in the school that I attend. Why is that? They were all sold out on the second day of sales. How am I going to park by the school? Surely you do not suggest that I park in a neighborhood in which the people living there are already fed up with the presence of the high school students already parking there. Has not the mayor already grown angry with the administration for this problem? So to solve that problem, we must park farther and farther away from the school that we attend? I’m sorry but that is not an acceptable solution. Why must I as a senior have to park far from my school and walk, when a junior can just stroll into the parking lot with his permit and park, not having to walk half a block to get to or from his/her car? I know that you try to be fair, but shouldn’t the seniors have a first shot on a parking permit? I mean it is their last year at the school, shouldn’t they be able to park there? Am I being too selfish, or am I within reason to say these things? That is for you to decide.
Again this letter was not written to condemn the administration, only to encourage it to see things in advance, to prepare for the inevitable chaos that teenagers can create, and to make Fountain Valley High School a better place, if not for the students of this year, then hopefully for the students of the next.
Your Student,
Ryan Bach
Now Playing - "Creedence Clearwater Revival - Up Around The Bend"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:41 AM
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Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Time's Fragilty
When did the cogs of fate begin to turn?
Perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now,
From deep within the flow of time.
But for a certainty, back then
We loved so many yet hated so much
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves.
Yet even then we ran like the wind
Whilst our laughter echoed
Under cerulean skies....
One of my favorite poems here from a famous RPG as some of you may know. This is the poem displayed at the beginning of Chrono Cross. I don’t like this poem for the mere fact that it was derived from the game, rather I liked it because talked about things done in the past, affect the future. What we do now can change the whole course of our lives as we know it.
I may regret some things I have done in the past, wishing, and at some times begging God to be able to go back and change it. But what one must realize is that had certain things not been done the way they were, their life as they know it, would be completely different. The people they know, the feelings they feel, the person they become, the life they come to know, can all be changed by a single difference in the choices they’ve made.
There are some things, I still yearn to take back, but when I look at the broader effect of what had happened in the past, and saw it at face value, I realized that had I actually gotten a chance to go back and change what had actually happened, my life would change dramatically. I may get some of the advantages out of it happening one way, but the changes that I didn’t want will still occur, and maybe even outweigh the advantages.
I believe that things happen for a reason, were meant to happen, but I’m not a fatalist. I do not believe in fate, I believe one has power to manipulate his destiny, but soon after a course of events has taken place, that destiny can be sealed and therefore “fated” to happen, but it only happened because one chose to take that path.
Now Playing - "(Chrono Cross) OC Remix - Russell Cox - Molding of Destinies"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:05 PM
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Sunday, August 24, 2003
City Guy in a Small Town (REPOSTED)
*(NOTE: This post has been revised as when I had originally posted it, I was paying by the minute for however long I was online, so in order to keep things short, I had no time to put certain things into the post.)*
Hey guys, as you most should know, I am currently in Arkansas to help my step-dad Leonard set up his hunting grounds. I was excited when I was getting ready to leave, and the flights over here were really nice. Well lets get started with how it all began…
We got to John Wayne Airport around 6:00 AM and even though our flight wasn’t until 8:00AM, we still had to go through the recently improved security and probably didn’t make it to our gate til about 7:30 AM. We flew out and arrived in Little Rock International Airport around 5:00 PM in whatever time zone we are in, I dunno. We walked out of the airport and noticed the extreme humidity and I figured it out, this work we had to do would not be easy, and it would be far from cool. So we set out to our motel, the glorious “Econo Lodge” and got our stuff unpacked. This was the cheapest of the cheap, my friends. We were thankful that they actually had running water and indoor plumbing. The electrical was a bit shotty, but it lit the rooms when needed. Oh yeah, and I think the beds had "chiggers" so I ended up sleeping on the top of the sheets. Not much of a fan of bed bugs.
The next morning we set out to do our work and realized about 2 hours into it that it was really, really hot. Anyways, we got our stuff taken care of. We had to set up some hunting stands, corn feeders for the deer and some posts with signs on them stating basically "No tresspassing without consent of owner" that being us. However I was a bit ticked off to find that the highway department of Presscott, Arkansas was a bit upset at where I had put a few of our signs. They said it was too close to the road, however, if they had been put farther away as requested, they'd be in the middle of a marsh...not gonna happen.
We were stopped in town to buy some things for the work needed and I noticed a train and I saw some graffiti written on the back of it saying this:
“You, American Citizen, have the power to take back our government from the evil of money.”
I just thought this was cool. Most graffiti you see is about gangs and such, but this kind of lifted my spirits. I was glad to see that someone was obligated to remind the people that they have power to motivate government if they stand together. But they must all have the same goal.
On a different note, when I had gotten to talk to some people, people had noticed that I was from somewhere else the second I said ‘hi’ to them. I guess my looks had fooled them, but my voice hadn't quite done the trick. I noticed my look wasn't the problem when I had put on my camo clothes, I looked so Southern, it kinda made me sad. I know there’s nothing wrong with it, but I knew I looked like a southern kid when I didn’t do my hair. I suppose its not such a bad thing, at least I don’t get pointed out so easily. It just makes me feel like I look like a southern kid at home in California. First thing I'm doing when I get back is a haircut, you can count on that.
The people are really nice here. I mean you could be in the local gas station and people just openly talk to you. Of course if it were like that at home, people would be on edge because back home, people are more paranoid of each other. Oh hey Sean, there’s this kid down here that I think you’d admire. She’s about 10 years old, but she’s quick and bright, and she knows quite a bit about pool as well. She was telling me while we were playing pool about how she had insisted that her school principal would allow her to pass out Bibles. Apparently the lady wasn’t too thrilled with the idea, then the kid, Danielle, reminded the principal that by law, she wasn’t able to be stopped, since she as a student, is allowed to pass out any form of religious materials. This brought joy to my heart to see a kid like her wanting to spread the word of Jesus Christ. It reminded me that we do not need to be so ashamed of our beliefs and that people do need to hear the good news of Jesus Christ. So let this be an encouragement to you all.
Love you guys, but its getting late tonight, I’d better go. This wont be posted the night I wrote it, but I was just writing to let you guys know I’m doing fine. I miss all of you, and just to let you know, I may be staying til Wednesday. Laterz.
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 7:53 PM
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Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Archive Digging
I know I haven't really explained some of my earlier thoughts that I have posted in the past, so I've decided to go back and elaborate a bit more on some of the things I've written. I will be doing this over the next few days that I post before I leave for Arkansas. God only knows if I'll get my hands at a computer over there. Here we go...
Remember back when I posted this thought?
"Hindsight is always 20/20. What they dont tell you is that always looking back distorts your view of the future."
Looking back at what has already happened in life, you can see where you went right and where you went wrong. You see how you could have done things differently than you did. Looking back helps you learn, but if you dwell on the past too long, you begin to be paranoid about your decisions in the future. You begin to be indecisive about what you should do next. Questioning every aspect of the problem. And when you need to make the decision, you begin to worry if one you chose was the right one.
Worrying too much about how it's happened in the past and how its going to affect your decisions in the future can ruin your view of life. Things seem to be more about the decisions you have to make instead of living your life to the fullest. You become paranoid about what you do, always thinking about the repercussions.
Dont get me wrong, thinking about what is going to happen after you make the choice isnt a bad thing, I think everyone does that when they make decisions. But if you do it too much, you can lose confidence in yourself and your decision-making and it can ruin your outlook on life.
Now Playing - "(Chrono Cross)OC Remix - Chronosis - Time Voyager"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 2:07 PM
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Sunday, August 17, 2003
Gotta Dance
After I was able to escape from the earlier mess that is known as "renovation" I went to Jaime's Dance Recital tonight and I must say that it was a really great time. She did a wonderful job, as well as the other people dancing. Far more than I could ever imagine. I was especially delighted to see that they did a dance to "Deliver Us" from the movie Prince of Egypt. It was quite spectactular as I saw the costumes and the props of a river (portrayed by sheets of clouded light blue) and women with baskets. They also portrayed the people of Israel in bondage in Egypt. Good stuff.
Tomorrow I am going to spend some time with my Dad at the Car show in Garden Grove. I also decided to invite Jeremy, Liz, and Jer's Father to come along with us. Gonna be a long day tomorrow, and I hope my mom won't get upset with the fact that I'm gone. She's been getting upset because I'm not too thrilled with the idea of doing all of things to our house, but its not my decision, so I just go along with it.
On a side note, I've been thinking about how I'm alone, and yet I dont seem to go looking for someone to share my love with. Don't get me wrong, I dont like being alone, but I just don't know what its like once you've reached that point in time, and so I guess the problem is that I have a bit of anxiety. Not knowing what to do or how its done. I always wondered if everyone's go through these thoughts or if I was the only one to stop and think about it. Sometimes I think I am the only one, but logic would only tell me I'm not. One day all of this wont matter. Some day, hopefully soon.
Now Playing - "Good Charlotte - A New Beginning"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 12:04 AM
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Saturday, August 16, 2003
Renovation. A word from the Old Woman's Dictionary. No other origin known.
I am so close to hurting whoever is giving my mother more and more ideas of which to renovate our family room. Why, you ask? Cause Nate and I end up having to do it ourselves as they go think about more things to do. Ever watch Trading Spaces? That's exactly what's going on. Our church friends are telling my mom what to do next in the house cause they think it would look "nice and great". Somebody take me out of my misery before I take them out of this world. Well here's what we started with, the list looks like this:
1. Tile the kitchen and the family room *(Original idea)*
2. Take off the wallpaper. *(Idea by Tina Feitz and my mother)*
3. Scrape the acoustical cottage cheese off the cieling so that it looks flat. *(New idea given by John Feitz)*
4. Clean the walls and repaint. *(A new problem because of previous idea by a Tina Feitz and my mother)*
As you can see, most of our "new ideas" have come from other people because my mom is a sucker for new ideas when it comes to house renovations. So in all your kindness, if you could see to it to take me out of my misery, that'd be great. Well I'm off to slave away.
Now Playing - "Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:23 AM
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Thursday, August 14, 2003
Desperate Lands (Completed)
Sorry guys, I know you thought last time was completed, but new words came to mind and I felt they needed saying. Enjoy.
By Ryan Bach
What is it I see in all these people’s faces?
People of many pasts, many races
I don’t see it in what they do, but in their eyes
I notice it in their breaths and their sighs
They know something’s missing, but could it be?
And I wonder if there is anyone who sees what I see
This land of the desperate and unknowing
Is unaware of the wound it is showing
So as they all go their own way
Going where they want, doing what they may
They never stop to think of the whole picture
Never getting lost in immense wonder
How are we here? No…why are we here?
Without knowing why, inside grows a great fear
Seeing this inside others, I walk among this land
Compassion is just so high of a demand
People are crying out for help and so I answer
This love that was once shown to me I wish to transfer
So that they may now know who He is
So they may know what being free is
I wish this would be an easier task
For it is them who must go to Him and ask
To clear their heart of the hardened mud
By His sacrifice and His son’s blood
But what a wonderful thing when they do
They know that God will be there to help them through
And the angels celebrate the new birth
For they have accepted their new worth
They now have a new way of which to walk
They now have a God of which to talk
It is His love they have accepted
Now by Him they will never be rejected.
But more has been seen in these desperate lands
This country has walked away from God’s commands
So what do we expect when we’ve gone astray?
How can you claim that God has turned away?
You’ve gone and shoved Him out the door
Allowing evil into this country even more
And when we have some horrible catastrophe
You keep saying, “God, how can this be?”
But you just keep living in your lies
And surely this will lead you to your demise
Unless you run back into God’s hands
You will forever be lost in these desperate lands
America the beautiful, America the brave
Only by God can you truly be saved
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 10:41 PM
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Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Punishment
So nice to know that I get an extra day at cleaning my grandpa's house (which was once mistaken for a junk yard) as punishment for not calling in and letting my parents know I would be late. Technically I did call to tell them, however, I just couldnt get the call to go through since reception was horrible at the Block. I'm being punished because my cell phone did not have the ability to talk to the sattelite in the air that would return the signal to my house phone. Oh well, c'est la vie. I'm glad my parents didnt overreact about this and strip me of my liscence, even though I didnt drive there in the first place. That was their first idea of how to punish me, which would've worked however they would have to drive me everywhere from then on until my punishment was up, and in the end, it only would have made it hard on them. So I'm off for my second day of work at Grandpa's Junk Shack. I will be returning there tomorrow as well.
Now Playing - "(FFIV) OC Remix - Isopropyl - Submission"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 10:16 AM
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Tuesday, August 12, 2003
Which type of Personality Disorder are you?
schizoid
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 12:56 AM
.xXx.------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, August 11, 2003
New poem
It's so nice to be writing once again as I have not done so in awhile. However, this one has a different subject then the last few that I have posted recently. I wanted to see if I was able to write about certain subjects and not just my feelings inside. I was able to do it, although, I don't know if its as good as the others. I hope all of you who do read my page enjoy it.
By Ryan Bach
What is it I see in all these people’s faces?
People of many pasts, many races
I don’t see it in what they do, but in their eyes
I notice it in their breaths and their sighs
They know something’s missing, but could it be?
And I wonder if there is anyone who sees what I see
This land of the desperate and unknowing
Is unaware of the wound it is showing
So as they all go their own way
Going where they want, doing what they may
They never stop to think of the whole picture
Never getting lost in immense wonder
How are we here? No…why are we here?
Without knowing why, inside grows a great fear
Seeing this inside others, I walk among this land
Compassion is just so high of a demand
People are crying out for help and so I answer
This love that was once shown to me I wish to transfer
So that they may now know who He is
So they may know what being free is
I wish this would be an easier task
For it is them who must go to Him and ask
To clear their heart of the hardened mud
By His sacrifice and His son’s blood
But what a wonderful thing when they do
They know that God will be there to help them through
And the angels celebrate the new birth
For they have accepted their new worth
They now have a new way of which to walk
They now have a God of which to talk
It is His love they have accepted
Now by Him they will never be rejected.
Now Playing - "Five Iron Frenzy - Fistful of Sand"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:47 PM
.xXx.------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Umm....dunno
Don't know what to post. Kinda sucks, doesn't it? .......Yep.....well...I hope I have something to post later, but as for now, my mind is blank and the only thing I can really say is this:
"I NEED MORE COWBELL!"
Now Playing - "(FFVII)OC Remix - Star Salzman - Cid Sends a Dream to the Undersea Palace"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 10:51 PM
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Monday, August 04, 2003
Sean's Notes :Government censorship of corporate advertisements is in direct violation of their first amendment rights, now the FCC can regulate commericals for explicit content, but unless its more obvious than a very pleace customer, then they have no jurisdiction.
Just remember... *Actual results may vary*
Posted by Sean .xXx. 9:18 PM
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Herbal Essences: The Orgasmic Experience
Ryan:"Man, I get a kick outta these Herbal Essences comercials. 'Now try our new tropical blend *OOH YES!!!* or some of our *OOOHHH YYYYYEEEESSSSS* other formulas.' AHAHAHAHA!"
Brain:"Are you enjoying yourself?"
Ryan:"Haha, yes, I am. You'd get a kick outta this too, ya know."
Brain:"What? Women acting like they're having an orgasm the second they put that shampoo in their hair? I simply find it completely stupid."
Ryan:"Yeah, its stupid, but its still funny. Its the only comercial that I've seen on regular TV that states you get an orgasmic experience from the shampoo you use."
Brain:"Nah, it just states how easy it is for a woman to fake an emotion."
Ryan:"Hmm, good point. I guess that's why they're actresses, they're good at what they do. If its groaning out in pleasure, then I guess that's what they can do best."
Brain:"But dont you think they took it a little to far by making it a shampoo comercial? I mean, seriously, if you just heard the comercial from another room, you'd think someone was watching a porno."
Ryan:"Yeah, I guess they went a bit too far, but the producers could care less. Sex sells whether we'd like to believe it or not."
Brain:"As a dear friend would say, 'Welcome to new Babylon.' And he's exactly right."
Ryan:"Wow, that has so much truth to it."
Brain:"Well, you get back to your laughing at new-age sex-selling shampoo comercials."
Ryan:"Nah, you took the fun outta it, but your right, there should be some censorship on this type of stuff."
Brain:"The government can only do so much. And sometimes it just needs to be done by the people."
Ryan:"Guess we as a people need to speak up for what we believe and stop hiding what we believe."
Brain:"Yes, that goes for many things."
Now Playing - "dc Talk - Jesus Freak"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:02 PM
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Sunday, August 03, 2003
Parents
Wow, to think that I went to about 3 parties this weekend. If you knew me well, you'd be just as surprised as I am. Guess that's what happens when your bro has a birthday (he's 8 years older than I, 25 years old as of Aug 1st) and two people you know are moving out of state. And of course my parents aren't too thrilled with the fact that I haven't been home the past few weekends due to my schedule of late. So Brain and I decided to have a chat about my most recent family problems. It went a little like this...
Brain:"Hey. What's cooking?"
Ryan:"Eh, parents are buggin' again. Keep saying I'm never home when they are."
Brain:"Well, isnt it true?"
Ryan:"Yes, and no. You see I'm always home when they aren't home. How's that my fault?"
Brain:"Well go figure, you're usually gone at night, when they're done working. You think spending a night at home would kill ya? Not like you're parents are bad people."
Ryan:"They aren't, but the thing is. Well you know how dull it is at home when you're spending quality time with each other, dont you? ....its like shoving a pencil through my nostrils and then jabbing my eyes out repeatedly with one of those Tropicana straws."
Brain:"Ooh, are those the red striped straws that never seem to break?"
Ryan:"Yeah, I always wondered why they never snapped. Anyways, family nights just seem to be lame."
Brain:"Hmm, I suppose you're right, but why do you suppose its like that?"
Ryan:"Well, first off, Len is too busy thinking about work, and my mom just gets way into it. And I'm sorda apathetic towards the whole situation cause its always what my mother wants. My brother shows up for these nights and I'm usually bugged all night about the most stupid things."
Brain:"Maybe you should enjoy the time you get."
Ryan:"Hmm, yeah, I guess so."
Brain:"Dont guess, just do."
Ryan:"Yeah yeah. Hmm, wonder if they'll ever let me outta the house again?"
Brain:"Eh, it could go either way on that one. Just try to do something nice for them sometime, neh?"
Ryan:"Sure thing, boss. Well good night."
Brain:"Yep, g'night."
Now Playing - "Cake - Never There"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 10:56 PM
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All writings, poems, and rants are Copyright © Ryan Bach. If you want to use my writings, contact me first!
