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Thursday, November 27, 2003
Happy Thanksgiving
It is my pleasure to wish every one of you faithful readers a happy Thanksgiving. I thank God for giving me readers like you. You are what makes this site worth going everyday (even though sometimes you seem unexistant). Hope everyone is having a nice time with their families. I know I am.
Its just so nice to be thankful for what you have. Even if I dont have what I currently want, I'm glad that I can find joy in what God has placed in my stead. Family, friends, and just the things I have. Even if you dont have worldly things, friends and family, which are one in the same in my book, are the most wonderful things of all. So enjoy being with your family and your friends. Its such a precious thing to be able to spend time with them.
So from the bottom of my heart, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. You are like family to me.
Now Playing - "3 Doors Down - Be Like That"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:23 PM
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Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Top 5
Today was a nice turn of events. I found out that I'm not getting a bad grade in my DI class as it was just a mistake (as I suspected). Then I found out I got top 5 in my class for our photo composition projects. It was funny, I was almost expecting them to give it to me, cause I know I did an awesome job on it. So I was happy about that. Also, I think my group is in the top 5 for the California Stock Market Simulation. We get money if we're near the top 3 I think.
Its nice to see life is getting better. Its been such a bummer these past weeks cause I've been down. I dunno why I have been in this low mood, but I suppose its cause I think too much. Anyways, for today, I'll show you my Top 5 Music Choices.
Top 5 Songs
1. The Cardigans - My Favorite Game
2. Jim's Big Ego - Stress
3. dc Talk - In The Light
4. Depeche Mode - Dream On
5. Smashmouth - Padrino
Now Playing - "The Streets - Turn The Page"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 5:22 PM
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Tuesday, November 25, 2003
The day I forget to check the mailbox
...happens to be the day I get my report card. Yeah. Its so nice that once I've gone out and risked my life crossing the picket lines at Albertsons for a bottle of creamer and then to return home and have them say, "So why the two C's?". It's a special feeling really. Especially since I wasn't notified by my teachers that I was doing bad. But its most certainly not the case. I got a C in cartooning. Ok, easy fix. That class isn't totally bent around turning things in on time. He's got set dates, but he accepts them after the fact because he wants us to take our time on 'em. I'll just have him write a letter (he said he would) to my parents clearing me one C. Digital Imaging is the other class I have a C in. How in the hell did that happen? Low test scores my foot! We've only had like 2 tests! How the heck does that bring down a whole grade? They weren't even worth that much! Did I miss one? I bet you its probably his screw up. I swear every year one of my teachers has to be the slacker who doesn't keep things in order. Bah, I'm sick of this crap. He knows my work is good. I've always got my work done early in that class. Shouldn't that mean anything, or at least give me some credibility? Of course not, my parents couldn't believe that their son is actually doing a legit job on his classes because one teacher every year has screwed up my credibility.
I'm done. Still upset, but done. Good night.
Now Playing - "Queen - Don't Stop Me Now"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 5:05 PM
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Monday, November 24, 2003
Crossroads
There is a time in everyone's life where one must choose what is to happen next in his/her life. For me, it is getting a new job. Working for my step-dad has been great and all, but I think that its making me sluggish in my work ethics. Lately, I haven't had much to do, thus less hours to work and the sudden idea for a new job. It may be awhile before I see a job that I can take, but I leave that up to God. I just need to do my part and look for anything that's a possibility.
I'm also looking for a new vehicle to drive. We've (my mom, who originally drove it, and I) driven my van to the point where its on its last, last, last leg. Normally a car wouldn't have made it to 182,000 miles on the engine, so we're glad we got such a blessed car. It's not having too many problems right now, other than it eating gas and oil. So a possibility is the truck our neighbor has been trying to sell for awhile. The price has come down considerably so I'm hoping it becomes a possibility for me.
In other stuff, I've been working on another poem. Sure its somewhat depressing like most of them that I do, but hey, I'm just good at that type of writing. I worked a bit differently on this one, trying to make it more poetic, rather than "Its a poem because I said it is" deal I've been doing. I'm trying to improve my writing as far as poetry goes, so instead of pumping it out in one day, I decided to hold this one back for a couple days. I think I'm almost done with this one, but I'll let it sit in the cooker a day or so more.
Other than that, I'm doing good. Hope everyone is doing well, and thanks to all for reading this site. I'm almost to 1000, all within a half year. Not bad. Later, kids.
Now Playing - "dc Talk - My Friend (So Long)"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 3:55 PM
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Thursday, November 20, 2003
Catchin' up
I was thinking about posting about my adventures in Arkansas, however, they weren't that adventurous, so I'll give you the rundown.
As far as the hunting goes, I didn't get anything. Some would say its a waste of time to sit on your butt for 5 hours a day and not even see a thing. Who knows, maybe it is. But it did give me the time to just sit back (kinda) and get some things straightened out in my head. It was nice to have the chance to clear up some uncertainties in my head and really put some thought on my life.
A few things I'll note about the trip and then I'll just go into some other things. Oh yeah, you'll like this one. The question that dumbfounded everyone in the local truck stop snack shop, except myself. The store clerk was playing with a handheld "Who wants to be a millionare?" and she got stumped, so she asked everyone else in the store.
"What is the closest planet to the Sun?"
A few answers of "Mars, no wait....yeah, yeah its Mars!", and others would object with "No, its Saturn!" I let them scream answers for awhile and I walked up to the counter with my bag of chips and simply said "Mercury". Others were objecting to me, but I just walked out, and once out the door, I didn't know whether to laugh histarically or feel sad that they really didn't know.
Another funny thing was that my great uncle, Harrel, was known for his cussing. So I figured it would be like the kids in high school. I was wrong. This guy could write a book titled "1001 Ways to Say F*** and Still Keep It Out of Context". I mean he cusses like a sailor and the way he does it was just so hilarious. I know I'm not supposed to find it funny, but I couldn't help but laugh. I suppose it reminded me of Robin Williams.
Also, on my way back home, I got stuck halfway in Houston International Airport for the night. NOT fun. I tried to find a decent place to sleep, and the floor was just as hard (if not harder) every new place I looked. I finally stayed in this one spot and tried to sleep. Didn't happen. Just my luck, they had Larry King: Live reruns going. Normally I can sleep with background noise, but he was going into politics so it was hard not to listen to the context of the conversations. Yeah 26 hours with no sleep...thank God I'm home.
Anyway...
I got back to school yesterday and my English teacher's aide throws a 95 question Macbeth test at me. I read the play myself, but its not I like I remember everything. So I hope I did alright. I had to finish it today with an essay on Macbeth, but they were nice to give me references this time.
My Econ teacher threw a test at me the day I got back as well and I can guarantee you I failed it. I missed the days he went over the material, but he said "Well, you do have your book." and that battle wasn't worth fighting. I figure my high scores on the other tests will help pull this one out of the gutter. I should hope anyway.
So tonight is the night I go back to church. Been awhile so I'm looking forward to it. Gonna be nice to see my friends again.
Now Playing - "Detsl - Slezy"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 2:57 PM
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Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Tired doesn't describe it enough
I'm back. Tired, aching, starved, insomniated, and in dire need of an Advil.
I'll fill you all in later when I regain my ability to think.
Now Playing - "Jason Mraz - The Remedy"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:44 AM
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Wednesday, November 12, 2003
A quick poem before I go
Turning Point
By Ryan Bach
These thoughts have been plaguing me
Constantly picking at my mind
Breaking my subconscious through and through
I can’t even sleep without my thinking of it
Its whispering to my heart
What will you do?
What will become of this?
Will you succumb to it?
Or will you do something about it?
I can’t help but try to push it away
But fewer things ease my mind as I’m awake
And the night has taken dominion over me
Dreams keep coming, dreams of my wishes
Hope bottled up in my subconscious
Only to receive a rude awakening by harsh reality
I’ve been holding onto my hopes so tightly
They’re crushed within my fists
Only because you’ve been trying to destroy them yourself
Ironic how I try to preserve my hope and yet I must destroy them myself
If I am to survive this battle within my mind
I must decide between crushed hopes and retreat
Run and live to see the sun rise and set again
Stay and watch it all fall to pieces within your hands
I’ve tried many times to fall back, to walk away
But the tears of the night seem to manipulate my mind
Overcome with feelings, unable to make the right choice
This is the turning point of my life
Futures are destroyed with every step
Certainty is key if I wish to go on
It’s a choice of life or death
For death on the inside renders me without purpose
Once purpose is lost, what am I worth?
Breaking away brings new purpose
New life, new meaning, new future
When choice rears its head again, what will I decide?
Will the circumstances coincide with the choice at hand?
It’s unknown to me, I only know the here, the now, and the recent past
What happens in the next, I do not know
I’ll take it when it comes
I’ll just hope to be ready
When my life hangs in the balance of another turning point
Now Playing - "Aaron Lewis; Mike Shinoda - KRWLNG"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 8:23 PM
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Until I return
Hey guys, I leave for Arkansas tomorrow morning bright and early and I will not be back until Monday. However, depending on what else changes, I may or may not be back to school on tuesday. That all depends if I get stuck in a flight somewhere.
So as a result, I will not be able to post. Over there, it's just a wonderful thing to have running water and lighting. They have a TV as well, but we're usually out all day and so we wont be able to watch it much.
Feel free to look through the archives if you haven't already.
I hope to have a great time, but I'm gonna miss you guys. Bye kids!
Now Playing - "Linkin Park - One Step Closer"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 1:09 PM
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Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Craft Mode Begins
My mother has officially entered "cr4|=+ m0d3". God help us all. She's always wanting to do more of these things that seem pointless, but maybe its because I'm a guy. Frilly things dont amuse me, at least not in such a way that it gives me the urge to make such tedious things.
Now Playing - "Alchemist; Chali 2na - FRGT/10"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 6:06 PM
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Day off School: Day 2
Damn gardeners! Ahem...sorry, just had to put that. Apparently, they like to wake me up at the buttcrack of dawn.
Ok, so the lineup for my day is pretty simple. Clean up the kitchen, do laundry, and get ready to go riding. Simple enough.
Later I'll be going with Jer and a few friends to bike down to the beach. Been a long time since I've biked that far. Farthest I biked within the year was probably down to Grant's house (my Youth Pastor) with Sean. It was a nice smooth ride so I dont think it'll be much of a problem for me. Especially since I've been biking to my school every day for the past 3 years. Sure, its a blessing now to drive to school, but I find it fun to bike places.
Only thing that sucks about today's ride is that I wont be able to use my bike. It's still busted from when I got hit by that woman last summer. I went down to the bike shop yesterday and they told me it'd be $90 to replace the wheels. Sorry, but when we've paid about that much just to have it overhauled already, my parents decided to just call it a loss. Anyway, Jer was nice enough to let me borrow his. Gonna be nice to get some exercise.
Well I've gotta get ready to go. Until next time, kids.
Now Playing - "(Ninja Gaiden 2)OC Remix - silent - In The Atrium"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 12:32 PM
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Monday, November 10, 2003
Day off of school
I get the day off and a chance to sleep in and what happens? Somebody's mowin' their lawn at 7:30. Now that really pisses me off! So after an hour of listening to this guy mowing, I finally fell back asleep to wake up at a more reasonable 10:30. But the one things that sucks is when I have a day off, after sleeping in and working, I've got nothing to do. Pretty much like a typical day after school because I hardly get homework. So the real question of the day is, what will I do?
Hmm, maybe I'll start cleaning my room. Now that I look at it, I haven't been able to clean my closet out since I moved into my brothers room a few years back. Still have things packed into boxes from moving. I guess I really never got around to it with decorating the upstairs rooms two years ago, and the other things we've been doing in the house, plus I've just been procrastinating it forever. Seems like a good day to do it than any other.
Now Playing - "(Metal Gear Solid) OC Remix - Vigilante - May Fortune Smile Upon You"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:56 AM
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Saturday, November 08, 2003
On with life...
Ok, time to pull myself out of the depressed writing style and into a more positive mood.
As far as today goes, I got up, realized there were people in my house and to my surprise, I was the only one who slept til 10:00. I went downstairs to find that my mom, who had just come home from Indiana last night, was setting up another load of stuff for a storage run. She replaced the nice comfortable chairs with some barely padded, wooden backed chairs made of oak. They look nicer so I can deal with that. Though I found it funny because they told me I get to keep the stuff in storage when I move out. To be honest with you, a lot of it isn't worth it, but some cool stuff nonetheless.
Also, I'm heading off to go target practicin' with my rifle to get ready for next weekend's trip. I'm excited and all to go back and just leave all my worries behind, at least for a weekend. Whether or not I choose to kill something while I'm there all depends on what it is. I'm not really motivated just to kill one for the sake of returning home empty handed, but if its a good one, I'll make sure to take the shot. Some people disagree with hunting altogether, well, you're entitled to your opinion. I dont hunt for sport, I hunt for necessity. If I find no need to shoot the deer, I wont. I respect wildlife for what it is. I dont think that its right for someone to go out and hunt just for the sake of hunting when the need to hunt really isn't there.
Ok, that's all for today, kids. Laterz.
Now Playing - "(Ninja Gaiden) OC Remix - Daknit, Bard of Tarot - Song of Chaos"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:25 AM
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Wednesday, November 05, 2003
At home doing a self-analysis...
Lucky me, I've got stuff that I need to finish at school and I am at home with nasal and throat drainage. Quite the lovely feeling it is. So while I'm here recouperating, I'm thinking about some things, but mainly this one idea. What would happen if I died soon in the next few days? Don't freak out, I'm not plotting my death, just simply wondering.
First question I had asked myself would be, who would care? Family, and maybe a few friends. But as I really look into it, do I really matter to people? For some I know the answer is yes, but for others, I'm not too sure. It's like I'm just there if they need me and if I'm not, oh well.
I do hope that someday, my life will have meaning to someone. That I wont be forgotten. That my memory wont just fade away within time.
Second question I asked myself was, did I make any situation or person better than what they were? Taking into account all the people I've known in the past, I can only think of maybe one or two people I've really helped.
Makes me wish I was more influential, easier to open up to people, but that only happens after time has past and its already too late. I know I'm isolationist at heart, but I'm trying so hard not to be, but everytime I even try to be interactive with people I always end up being hurt by the others, who care not what they say or do or how it affects me. Though it's no excuse, its the only reason why I choose only certain people who I want to be around.
Everyone else doesn't deserve the full blame. I can look at myself and see why people would rather not know me. I'm too serious with everything; I take everything literally. Perhaps I read too deep into things as well, but doesn't everyone do that sometimes? I take a look around me and I see that everyone else is comfortable (or they're pretending to be) with the way things work in this world of ours. It makes me hate myself for not being able to be as easy going as everyone else. Too sheltered, possibly. Is that what makes me see the bad in everything? Knowing right and wrong, and always sticking to the right ways of doing things, rather than the socially acceptable ways of doing things? Is that what makes everyone avoid me? My choice to not participate in anything foolish, pointless, or stupid?
There are a few things that I think people do like me for. My kindness. Even after people have hurt me, have slandered me, I somehow find it in me to just let it go and be nice to them. They may continue to do it, if so, what would my return of anger at them accomplish? Only more strife, only more anger. Doesn't mean I dont stand up for myself, it just means that I do it without trying to hurt the other back. Of course, there are times where I just get so frustrated to where I'm only trying to hurt them. It happens to all of us. We get to the point where we just dont care about how the other feels and we let it out. I don't endorse that, but we can't fool ourselves in saying it doesn't happen.
My ability to listen. I can listen to anyone who has a problem, let them get it all out of their system. I find that people don't always need someone to tell them what they need to do, but rather just have someone who will listen to what they're going through. I do give advice on occasion, but only if I feel that I know enough to do so. But most of the time, people wont take your advice, because they know more than they tell you, and so they go with their gut feeling. Still, it lets them know that someone cares.
One trait I have that really do hate, is that I am very stoic with what goes around me. I don't like confrontations, so I just hold all of my pain, anger, and frustrations inside. Sometimes I can do it for a really long time. Sometimes I take so much within one week, I just let it all out. I become angry at people who I'm not even angry with. I say things without thinking, then I regret saying them later. It becomes such an upsetting thing for me when I take it out on the people I care about most. Never able to settle it with the rightful person. Some other people are just like me, never truly letting out anything about themselves or the pain they deal with day to day. But it all adds up, and it all has to go somewhere. I've been trying to use my anger with exercising and such, but it doesn’t always help. Sometimes my mind just gets so swamped with thoughts that I don’t know what to do with them. I wish that someone would be able to help me, would want to. But even then, that’s a hard thing to find nowadays.
Heh. Sorry everyone...I guess all I did was just show how insane I really am. If any of this makes sense to you, I should hope it helps you, if not, just laugh and disregard it all.
Now Playing - "(Radical Dreamers) OC Remix - mp - Far Drama"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 1:51 PM
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Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Artist's Block
Cartooning has become one of my hardest classes lately and some of you would laugh at the thought of drawing some toons and thinking its pretty easy. Heck, I thought that way at first. But of course you realize once you get into the class that you aren't in the easiest of situations. Within the first two weeks I realized that I completely and utterly suck. Ok, that's the first step to becoming better, right? Admitting you suck and doing something about it. And lately I've just been drawing with the same old mistakes, still trying to figure out how its really done. I've come to a point in which I have no idea how to draw my old characters. And that's the assignment. Drawing the arms and legs and the head just makes the character's body look like they were born with a disfigurement. I'm just about ready to say that I need some time recover. Of course, that'll never happen so my work from the past week has been uber crappy.
Along with that we have a comic we have to finish by Friday showing your most happy moment. Bad timing for this project. I was almost tempted to change my original idea, a happy gamer beating the crap out of a game boss, to a psychotic man standing at a control switch that launches nukes and hurls them back towards the Earth. Of course that would make them send me to the school shrink now wouldn't it? Of course I'd already be ready to mess with that guy's mind as well, but I doubt I'd have the motivation to do so.
Of course, this isn't the only project we have. I'm still finishing my Day of the Dead pic with 3 skulls and a redrawn pic of the Mad Pierrot Le Fou from Cowboy Bebop. I've got to draw my 4 characters (of which is already late and I'm still trying to make them look decent), and my futuristic Halloween/Thankgiving/Christmas character (its a skull in a santa suit holding a huge rifle, locked and loaded for Emu hunting cause Turkeys are extinct).
Ok...can I finish them? Maybe in a month, but I dont have a month. Sucks to be me.
Now Playing - "Matchbox 20 - If You're Gone"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 4:51 PM
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All writings, poems, and rants are Copyright © Ryan Bach. If you want to use my writings, contact me first!
