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Thursday, January 29, 2004
Let's go trippin'
Finished all of my finals today and now I'm free to prepare for Winterfest. I've gotta start getting all of my laundry done so I can have clothes for the trip.
::looks over at laundry basket::
Yep, lots to do...at least two loads worth. After that I'll probably compile some MP3 CD's so that I have most of my music with me. I have a feeling this year's gonna be quite different then usual, but in a good way. I'm really looking forward to it.
And as a result of my being on a trip, don't expect me to be posting. The archives are always open for your reading pleasure.
Laterz.
Now Playing - "Dick Dale - Let's Go Trippin'"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 3:59 PM
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Wednesday, January 28, 2004
I am what I am. Deal with it.
I'm so sick and tired of people telling me how I should do things in my life. "You should be more this, you should do more that." This is just one of the things that truly gets to me. I don't think they would like it if I turned around and told them to live their life differently. I can understand if people want to help me, but there's no point in trying to change me.
Why can't people just enjoy others for who they are rather than try to make them into somebody they aren't? People come up to me and tell me what's wrong with me, expect me to change myself to their grand-master image of perfection, and become some grand person because they know more about being a great person. This is the point where I simply tell them that I am what I am. I'm not going to change just because somebody has some new-fangled idea about how I can be a better person.
My point: I am what makes me most comfortable. If I'm not comfortable with a certain trait I have acquired, I'll change it. If you can't deal with the fact that I am my own person, than you can just go try and change someone else.
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Well, that rant really isn't pertaining to recent events, but just the general attitude I seem to be receiving from a lot of people within the last year. It was also to show others that you shouldn't let anyone try to change you. Others should appreciate you for who and what you are. If they want you to change to make them happier, then its just for their own selfish desires. Don't buy into it.
Now Playing - "E-Type - This Is The Way"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:38 PM
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Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Studying
Well this afternoon was bodagem. Scratch that. This whole day was bodagem.
Had to go change banks today cause my old bank was being a royal pain in the derierre` and then I had to study for my Econ final that I will be taking tomorrow morning.
As you all know, Econ is my most loathed class. i despise showing up to that class, but alas, tomorrow is my last day, and I don't even have to stay the whole period. So in order to be as prepared as possible, I've been scanning over the chapter quiz and review website our test is based on for most of the afternoon. Suffice to say, after taking them (and passing them) all at least twice, I think I'm ready for it.
One of the things that annoys me most about my Econ tests is that the questions sometimes require you to have knowledge outside of economics (i.e. was there a specific war during so-and-so's presidency and would it affect the country in a specific economic way?). Stuff so vaguely descriptive that you end up having to guess. And I guess its safe to say that my teacher didn't really go too deeply into any of the curriculum. We typically skimmed over each chapter, taking note of economic terms and their meaning, but never getting engrossed into the chapters.
Maybe that would explain why so many are doing "not-so-well" in the class. I, for one, might have done better in the class if we read from the book, but seeing as how he liked to use simple PowerPoint presentations that stated the basics of each section, I tend to be lacking in the necessary knowledge come test time.
I assume that some of you readers are still in High School and have finals right about now as well, so I wish you all well. I understand how nerve-wrecking it can be to have to remember so much information at one given time. By my studying tonight, I have contradicted myself in that I am actually studying. You see, I always believed that "If you don't know it by now, you won't know it overnight." which is true in most cases. But I suppose I'm not completely contradicting myself. I am merely reviewing over old material that I already know. Even so, this is the first time in a long while that I've actually studied for a test. I am still amazed that I do so well without studying, but I won't be taking any chances on this one. I need to boost my grade, and I can do so by doing uber well on this final.
Wish me luck...err...wish me consistency of memory, and I wish you rememberance as well.
Now Playing - "Cowboy Bebop - The Egg And I"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:10 PM
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What a way to start the day...
...by waking up and seeing the clock read 7:45AM. Well, there goes first period. I can already tell this day is going to suck uberly.
So now I'm in my Digital Imaging class not doing a whole lot. I just got my portrait projects back and they turned out pretty nice, however, I did notice a big difference between the computer screen and the paper in my hand. The printed ones just look a tad darker and differently defined, but nothing to fuss over.
Also, I still have to put together my Econ folder that was due yesterday, but somehow it slipped my mind. I suppose I'll work on it with the extra time I have.
Now Playing - "Jimmy Eat World - The Middle"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:08 AM
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Monday, January 26, 2004
Endurance
At this moment in time, I realize how much crap I deal with, and no matter how much of it I have to trudge through, I always end up on the other side of the hill'o'crap in decent shape. Some wonder why I put up with what I do. Call it pointless, call it stupid, I'd rather get past the crap to a better place than stand around smelling it and complaining constantly. I just like to get through the tough times so that I can enjoy the greater points of life.
What keeps me going? Beats me. I keep on keepin' on, but I don't know my driving force. Just walking by forgotten momentum. Maybe later I will understand why, but for now, I'll just go on. I must have had a good enough reason when it all started and I know I'll understand it all a bit more completely in the end.
I guess they call it endurance. Going on when others would quit. The stuff character is built with. Character, something so seldom seen these days. I suppose it is a rare commodity, but I suppose that's because it takes a bit of suffering to acquire.
Why do we do the things we do? Why do we keep beating ourselves down when we no the outcome still hasn't changed? Because there is something we strive for...whether it to help ourselves, or to help others. I strive to become a better person....I strive to help my friends and be there when they need me. I suppose that is enough reason to do so, but sometimes it doesn't seem like enough. And still, I keep on.
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And on a more local note, this week is a week of endurance. Finals will begin in two days. Usually people tend to become easily agitated during this time of the school year. It could be the fact that people ask too many questions (i.e. So how was your test?, How do you think you did?, What do you have to do tomorrow?, etc.) during a time when questions are your worst nightmare. When these questions are directed at me, I just answer as simply as possible, and kindly let them know that I'd rather not think about it. Cause the last thing I want to think about on a break between classes is the final I have to take next. Cause everybody knows ignorance is bliss.
So yeah, at the end of the week to bring everything nicely to a close is Winterfest. We'll be heading up to Ontario, California, as I believe I mentioned in a previous post. It's a 3 day trip, but its amazing how so much can happen in the period of 72 hours. Maybe I'll find some answers to my problems of late. Hopefully I can find some resolve this weekend. But I gotta get through the week first to get to the weekend. Let's hope I make it through finals without any major problems.
Let's just hope...
Now Playing - "Jim's Big Ego - Bite Me Hard"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:16 PM
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Friday, January 23, 2004
Rundown, literally
I've been pretty tight for time lately and I can feel the effects of having no recreational time kicking in. I've become sluggish and lathargic throughout most of my day. Usually around the afternoon, my body can finally muster up enough energy to "awaken". It's been that way all week. I've been waking up 10 to 5 minutes before I need to rush out and get to school. I've been eating breakfast in my 4th period class (my other teachers have a problem with food) and have been taking power naps during lunch period and Econ class.
Sleep hasn't been coming easy at all lately either. I'll lie in bed for a few hours before I finally fall asleep, and when I do, it mentally feels like I wake up 5 minutes later only to see the clock read 6:00AM. I'll be so tired, I'll just keep hitting that snooze button until it's 15 minutes until I need to be out of the house and driving to school.
Hopefully tonight I'll be able to catch up on a little sleep. In fact, after I post this, I'll probably take a most desparately needed nap.
Next week is finals and I hope to God that I'm not in the same shape as I have been this week. I'll need to study my Econ, just to review over a few chapters that I know I had a hard time with in the past. And after I finish my dificult final schedule, I'll be going to Winterfest with my church. It'll be my 4th year in Winterfest, I think. I always have such a great time when we go, only thing different this year is the location. We'll be going over to Ontario, California rather than Ventura this year. It sounds like it'll be a nice place.
So after I'm done napping tonight, my family wants to go out and do something. The vote tends to be tipping towards the movie "The Butterfly Effect", but I've seen so many movies lately that I'm sick of sitting in the theaters. I voted for Dave and Buster's because of the fact that I'm tired so I'd rather be up and moving around. Chances are that if we go to a movie, I will most likely fall asleep in the middle of it.
Now Playing - "The W's - The Devil Is Bad"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 4:26 PM
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Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Cages
Its hit me hardest in the past few months. These years of protection are almost over. These cages I once thought were holding me back are actually holding the world back, preventing it from swallowing me up. Now I understand the purpose of these chain-link fences. Now I understand my situation and it's scary to see that soon these cages will open there doors without warning. I will have to take on life in full force, but I wonder how hard reality hits you once it passes through those chain-link fences.
Will I be strong enough to take on the new responsibilities of adulthood? Am I prepared for life's plan? I suppose both inquiries are pointless to worry about, either I am, or I'm not.
As I analyze where I am and where I come from, I find confidence in the fact that I have always been able to adapt to new environments. Perhaps adapting to the life of adulthood will not be so hard. It will have its tests and trials, as I have now, only at a higher magnitude.
So I just gotta work at it one day at a time.
Just take it one step at a time.
Paul Oakenfold - "Hold Your Hand"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:32 PM
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Monday, January 19, 2004
Step back and look
Every once in awhile, one must step back and look at there life from afar. Take out all of the routine and minor disturbances of everyday life, and just look at where you are. How far have you come since last year? Last month? Last week? Though a week or a month may not seem uninfluential, it does bring changes. Changes in your character and the perspective of which you see the world. Take note of everything you do in each passing week and discover the differences in yourself.
Problems of every day life occur and by looking back and analyzing the situation, you can make the proper changes so you can avoid the situation in the future. If you can learn to take action on your problems, you can overcome them so you don't have to worry about them again.
Every week we deal with old fears (or new) as a situation may draw them out. They prevent us from doing something we would otherwise do. When I say "fear", I am referring to social fear, not fear in the sense of heights or spiders. One could be afraid to speak out and add their input for fear of the reaction of the group. One would fear speaking with another person for anxiety of what they would think. One would do something along with the group they don't want to for fear of being outcast for their feelings. These are all legitimate fears and most people (if not all) deal with them, but you need to realize that you can't let your fears prevent you from moving on in your life. If a fear is preventing you from making things better, then you need to step back and look at the situation. Is it getting better by itself? Does it have a chance of getting better if I put my fear aside and take action? If so, then you need to look inside yourself, see what you are made of, and tell yourself that you are bigger than your fear. Tell yourself that the benifits are too great than to be in bondage of your fear.
Life changes everyday, and so we must adapt to our new situation daily. Everybody changes or has the chance to change daily. Life's events bring us tragedy and happiness. Pain and pleasure. Suffering and joy. With each we need to learn how to adapt and make ourselves better. Realize that you, and only you, have the power to define "you". The editions and additions are up to you. You can make things better, or you can make them worse, but its up to no one else, but you.
Now Playing - "Final Fantasy VII - One Winged Angel (Orchestrated)"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:07 PM
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Saturday, January 17, 2004
Latest Antics
Went out and got my new Spyder Fenix paintball gun and all the gear last thursday, and I must say that I'm quite excited to get into this sport. Sean helped me get all the goods I needed (where would I be without him?) and so we've been hanging out for the past few days talking about paintballing and getting my gear set up.
Sean ended up spending the night last night for family night at my house. I don't know whether to be greatly embarrased or greatly disturbed by my family. I'm sure he wouldn't know what to think either.
Today Sean and I went to the church to go make tomales, but we changed our minds the second we saw that the masa they were using looked like the remains of a liposuction operation of a 300 lbs woman. So we went to go ice skating/roller skating with Jeremy, Jen, Katelyn, Justin, Wes, Kevin, and Wes' neighbor. Went pretty well as I escaped with only two small blisters on the top of my right foot. All in all we had a pretty good time.
On a side note, I wanted to apologize to Jeremy and Jen for my comment earlier on their PDAing. I had no right to prevent you two from expressing your love to each other. I suppose that inside I am only jealous of what you two have. Something that I cannot. Everytime I see you two together, it only reminds me more and more that I am alone. So I wanted to apologize for my selfish comment.
Got home today and put the christmas stuff back in its place up in the attic. Watched a movie afterwards to blow away time only to realize that cell group was cancelled yet again, and so I'm left here again on a Saturday night with absolutely nothing to do and no desire to do anything.
Now Playing - "Creedence Clearwater Revival - Have You Ever Seen The Rain?"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 8:22 PM
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Wednesday, January 14, 2004
PIN FAFSA SSS CALGRANT
I never thought entering college would be so confusing. I just got my PIN number for the FAFSA form and all the other college stuff you need it for and I must say that this is gonna take a lot of time to do. Kinda special how all this stuff needs to be done around the time for finals. I can see it now...
"I couldn't study because I was too busy filling out my FAFSA forms! Please give me another chance!"
So I've gotta set aside some time to go through all the necessary forms and fill them out. Hey, I might even get a Cal Grant, but I highly doubt it.
Anyhoo, today's Econ class was quite amusing. We started a new chapter today and so in the midst of boring notetaking while listening to the monotonous voice of my teacher, I couldn't help but bust up laughing (as did the rest of the class) when he tried to compare Federal Fiscal Policy to child birth. This inevitably led to a classroom discussion on how baby's are born and the contractions of a mother during labor. How he had the slightest connection between child birth and fiscal policy, I don't know. All I could come up with is that Econ and child birth had one thing in common....great pain.
Now Playing - "Ottmar Liebert - Barcelona Nights"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 2:28 PM
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Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Broken threads
Within the past month it seems that I have come to know more and more about my close friends. Where they came from, what they’ve been through, and why they are the way they are. January has truly been a grueling month for my friends and I. School is in full swing again and finals are on their way, some are having family issues, some are having friend issues, and some are just having the everyday issues of life like myself.
But, like I said, I have come to know more about my friends and their past. A subject never to be taken lightly. When I hear some of the things my friends had to go through in their childhood, I feel as if I’ve been privileged with the childhood I got, even if it wasn’t great. I feel sad because I would never have wanted my friends to have to through such a harsh time in their childhood, but I’ve come to realize that I cannot change anything. I cannot help retie the broken threads of the past. That is a job that they must do themselves as I once did.
I guess the only thing I can do to help them is pray and encourage them.
Now Playing - "Nothing"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:30 PM
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Sunday, January 11, 2004
Surrounded in sound
That's right, just set up my new surround sound system in my room complete with 5 speakers and a sub-woofer. Got it all connected to my PS2 and my TV. Once I had it set up, I just plopped in a CD with "Adagio For Strings (Choir Version)" and listened to the glory of sound. It sounds like you're there in a room listening to a choir not 20 feet from your seat. Go figure.
Aside from all the events of the weekend, it just seemed empty. Just living day to day, taking interest in whatever activity looks promising, but it really didn't satisfy my mind. It just felt plain, if ever a weekend could be described as such.
I'm too tired to post anything of the intellectual sort tonight, but when I have my next topic all thought out, I'll post it next.
Good night, kids.
Now Playing - "K-Pax OST - Grand Central"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:04 PM
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Thursday, January 08, 2004
How to deal
The only thing I can really manage to say right now is that life throws some hard stuff at'cha and you just gotta learn how to deal. One minute you can be the happiest in your life, and down in the dumps the next. It's a shame really, that we can go from such a happy moment to a moment of despair. But one can't be like this forever. One must go on. No use in dwelling over spilled milk. You just gotta be strong, if life brings another opportunity around in the future, take it. If it doesn't, then it just wasn't meant to be.
I suppose we all have our moments of despair and lost hope, but what I have realized is that God has it all figured out. He will always pull you through. What you go through in life is training for your future in life. And when the time comes, you'll be ready.
I suppose my biggest advise for anyone (mainly myself) is to "Live, and let God." It's hard, but you can't worry about how its going to go, you just gotta deal.
Now Playing - "Matchbox 20 - If You're Gone"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 4:43 PM
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Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Life is picking up
Hey gang. Life's been good, hope all is well for you guys. Ok...here we go.
Yep, Lizzie and I will be going to prom together. I cannot smile any wider than right now. ^_^
I love you, Lizzie!
In other news, I've been working on an English book report assignment from hell all day. I still haven't the faintest idea how I'm gonna pull it off, but I've got the necessary stuff for it. I just hate oral reports. You seriously feel like a complete fool standing up in front of everyone in the class. Why? Because you know that not one student could give a rat's behind about what you're saying. But I guess that makes it all the easier. I just have to worry about making the teacher interested, and if you knew my teacher, you'd know its an easy job.
Also, we've recieved another assignment from my Digital Imaging class that I'm pretty excited about. We have to take a picture of something up close to make it highly detailed. I went out and shot some pictures today, completed one of three variations of the photo needed. Because the example shown to us was a flower, it really didn't amaze me to see most of my fellow classmates flock to the rosebushes when we went photo shooting. I, on the other hand, wanted to be a bit more original, so I walked around a bit, found a bottle in a neat position. It had been there for awhile, since the precipitation was in little droplets on the top half of the bottle, while the cola lay on the bottom half. I should have the other two variations of the photo done tomorrow and turned in. He gave us 2 weeks. So I might keep myself busy with another little assignment.
Hope all is well for you guys. Thanks for reading, cause if you didn't read....well, I'd probably still post anyway.
Now Playing - "Cowboy Bebop - Words That We Couldn't Say"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:05 PM
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Saturday, January 03, 2004
Goodbye Holidays, hello school
Alas, the fun has nearly ended and school will begin once again. So we must say our farewells and goodbyes to the family and friends who have visited and return to our normal monotony called life. But we can return with happiness in our hearts and a general good mood towards it. Because we can share with others the experiences we've had, the things we've learned, and the stuff we got. So when you return back to your life after the holidays, remember to share the good times you've had over these past few days we've had off (assuming you got the holidays off).
And of course I've got schoolwork out the wazoo to return to in my Cartooning class, and did I work on any of it. Course not. And did I read any of the book that I have a report to do on in the near future? Nah, why would I want to do that when I can procrastinate? That's right, next week is my "get it together" week. So I'll be crunching on my sketchbook and reading like no other. Hopefully I can pull myself out of the gutter before finals.
Speaking of finals, I'll be gone at Winterfest the day of my last two finals. And it just so happens to land on the day I do my English and Econ finals, so I'm gonna have to take them a few days early. English should be a breeze, but Econ's a bit hard to get down cause my teacher has the IQ of a lesser ape.
So even though I've got a lot to work on, I'm gonna try and hang with friends a bit more. Been harder to do that lately, but that's because of my mom. I'm the last child, so its kinda hard to break free from the house. But compared to my brother, I've got it good. My mom hasn't been enforcing her "old ways" that she used on my brother.
Life is good, and its only going to get better. Peace out, gang.
Now Playing - "Five Iron Frenzy - Plan B"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:27 PM
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Thursday, January 01, 2004
Every day is New Year's Day
January 1st, the day of resolution. That is, for those who make new year's resolutions. I, on the other hand, tend to make resolutions every day, but I suppose the not-so-important-life-changing resolutions are held in reserve for today.
So what is my new year's resolution? De-isolation
I've been told many times that I'm a very quiet, held back person and so I've decided to be a bit more...outspoken? I have decided that I'm going to put more effort into the people I know rather than keeping to myself and being the hermit on the side of the mountain.
So everyday I will work on my "people skills" and hopefully one day fullfil this year's resolution.
Now Playing - "Paul Oakenfold - Southern Sun"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 10:36 PM
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All writings, poems, and rants are Copyright © Ryan Bach. If you want to use my writings, contact me first!
