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Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Wide awake
It's about 12:20AM and I'm still wide awake. Maybe it was all that Dr. Pepper I was drinking, but then I figure the absence of any substantial meal today would counter effect it. But what is there to do so late at night/early in the morning? I've already been gaming for awhile, so that's out. Nobody's online, so I can't suck entertainment out of my friends. I'm just wide awake with nothing to do.
So perhaps I can end my procrastination on typing on my Music Video Idea Proposal. I've been meaning to do it for awhile, but it's nothing really important, mainly for class procedure and the reassurance to the teacher that we aren't doing anything stupid or unlawful. I think I've got a pretty good idea of what I want, and the past few weeks of my life have inspired some new angles I could take.
Well I better get on it now, or I won't do it at all...good night kids.
Now Playing - "Creedence Clearwater Revival - Hey Tonight"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 12:18 AM
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Monday, March 29, 2004
Walking and writing
Thorns and Glass
By Ryan Bach
You do not know what you need
How could you understand such a concept?
Your footsteps have been misguided
To walk amongst the thorns and broken glass
The fragrance of the moment changes you
As you ignore all the pain you endure
You’ve become so fixed upon the future
You don’t notice that your legs won’t walk
The poison has entered your veins
It burns like wildfire inside you
But you’re still focused on her
Bent between agony and tranquility
What will happen when she is gone?
You are still standing there
As your soul gasps for meaning to life
Now Playing - "Jim's Big Ego - Boston Band"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 5:33 PM
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Sunday, March 28, 2004
Bi-polar Implications
I've been feeling one of those "roller coaster" moods for this whole weekend. Really sad, then really happy, then back to crumminess. Perhaps tomorrow morning I'll be in brighter spirits, but as for now, I'm on the low end of the ride. This weekend was supposed to be pretty good, but life likes to throw in a few changes every now and then I guess.
For instance, on Friday I was going to hang out with Lizzie and go to dinner at Ruby's on the pier as friends. However, it ended up being different from what I had originally intended. I picked up Lizzie, her friend, and her friend's boyfriend, drove for about 5 minutes and found out Lizzie wanted to bring her boyfriend, Danny, along. What was going to be just a night out with friends instantly turned into two couples and a chauffer. I didn't mention my discomfort to any of them, and as far as I know, I didn't show any either. I tried to make the best of things, and it wasn't all that bad. It's just that I hate being the fifth wheel, the one who stands out from all the rest. Seeing as how Lizzie was the only one I really knew, I had no means of connecting with the others. But, be that as it may, I had a semi-decent time.
Then yesterday I had to sing in choir for my church's youth ministries showcase. It was amazing how much better I felt once I was at church. It was as if nothing else mattered other than what we were doing there that night. And I must say, the choir did an absolutely fantastic job on our songs, which is good to know since we'll be going to state competitions next weekend.
I suppose I'm pretty excited about that as well. It's something nice to look forward to. I had suggested to my mom that we drop by my aunt's house and say 'hi' on our way up. Seeing as how I haven't seen them in 2 years, I'd like to catch up with my cousins, AJ, Amanda, and Alyssa. I'm sure they've changed as much as I have in these past two years.
But getting back to this weird mood I'm in, it's just so odd that I'm feeling this way, cause I really don't know why I am so down. Sure the circumstances of the past few days haven't helped, but it's nothing I should really be down about. I'm alive, I have family and friends that care about me, and yet I sit here, thinking that my life is missing something.
Now Playing - "Jimmy Eat World - Cautioners"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:16 PM
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Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Driving Mr. Miller
I've really been trying to post lately but then again, I really didn't feel like it at the time. Probably for the best, but here goes.
My parents decided that I must now be the designated chauffer for my grandpa. He had his license revoked as of last monday and because he still doesn't want to retire yet he thinks he should still be able to drive. And the fact that he did have his license revoked didn't really stop him, alas, he still drives.
There's not a whole lot we can do about that now until the end of the month when we are officially retiring him, whether he likes it or not. Sounds harsh, but he's lost 20 or so pools lately and is down to only a handful to take care of. If the problem with him still driving persists, I suppose that Len and I are going to have to go down there and disable the cars ourselves. I guess my grandpa really doesn't understand that in his condition, there are things that he can't do anymore.
My grandpa has dementia, which is a disease much like Alzheimer's in which the brain is deteriorating in the "memory" sector. He's had this condition for about 5 or so years now. He seems to be doing well so far, and we can only hope that it doesn't get worse.
But as for now, I will be driving my grandpa, Mr. Miller, on his pool route Mondays through Wednesdays.
Now Playing - "Final Fantasy IX OST - Theme Of Dagger"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:21 PM
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Monday, March 22, 2004
New Links
Just got back from the chiropractor who seemingly cracked my neck about 20 times. A new record for me. So my neck/back pain has decreased dramatically, however, I don't think I'll be going to choir tonight for the sake of recovering.
And now for the new links. Jen, Deborah, and Laura have now been added to the list to your left. As far as removing any links, I don't think I'll be removing any for awhile in hopes that some might start posting again. I do know that most of you will enjoy reading the contents of these new links, I know I do.
And now my advertising is done and I'm going back to relaxing. Until next time.
Now Playing - "E-Type - Free"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 5:58 PM
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Forseen Site Clean-up
Hey guys, I just wanted to let you all know that I've been planning on cleaning out the site a bit. Taking out links of people who no longer post and adding on some new ones for people who do.
If I happen to take your link out and you have begun posting again, let me know. I'll be more than happy to add you back on.
I'll be posting about something later today when I have the time, but as for now, I need to get back to my Photoshop classwork.
Now Playing - "Rooney - Stay Away"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 8:36 AM
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Thursday, March 18, 2004
Awaiting the end
Of the week, that is. No need to be morbid today, I think I've filled my quota for the year on that.
I guess there's no real explanation of that, though. Why do I have the feeling that life is almost over, that I won't live to see 35. Perhaps its all those horrid dreams of death that I have, or maybe its the feeling that the Rapture is coming very soon. And I really don't mean to sound morbid, but I'm OK with the idea of not being around on this earth much longer.
Think about it: no more worries, no more stress, no more anything, just living in the presence of God. On the other hand, you lose your influence, your gift of life, and your chances to change other's lives for the better. There's so much to do here on earth, and I have yet to accomplish my tasks before I take my leave. It's a bit selfish, I guess, to wish for an early leave. It's just a form of running from your duties here on earth, running away from what God has set for you to do.
But if I were to be taken up sooner than expected, I've also wondered what effect it would have on others. How would I be remembered? Would it be a good memory, or one of regret? Am I being a good or bad influence? The answer to that question lies in the actions and choices I make in the near future. All the more reason to commit my life to being Christ-like. Though I'll fail along the way, in the end, I'll know that I tried my best to become what I was meant to. That is the memory I want people to have.
Now Playing - "Rooney - Popstars"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 10:36 PM
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004
I'll show you my blue side.
Whatever that means.
This afternoon I kinda felt tired so I decided to give my parents' new excercise machine(not a treadmill, but it's the same type of excercise) today and surprisingly enough, I did pretty well. I haven't had P.E. for about two years, and only God knows the last time I've worked out because I wanted to. It was nice to know that I could last for 20 minutes (probably more, but my mom wanted to use it). Despite the fact that it used up a lot of energy, I felt kinda energized after doing 20 minutes of the excercise. I'll probably be using it more often to help me keep in shape. All the better for me to be ready for paintballing days.
I'll get some nice sleep tonight, despite my lack of sleep these past few nights. Yet another advantage to the workout.
I was also very happy to find that Rooney's album (featuring "Blueside" and "I'm Shakin'") for $7 at Best Buy. Great band, and you get a whole lot more than you pay for. Thank God for new feature low prices. ^_^
Now Playing - "Rooney - Simply Because"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 10:07 PM
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Friday, March 12, 2004
Looking over the tangents of reality
Last night I had to go back to work after Youth Church, and so I got to bed two hours after I had planned to. I really didn't have much on my mind at the time, but I knew I was tired. I fell asleep almost instantly, entering my mind into the dream world.
Something that's been bothering me as of late is my tendancy to dream about things I really don't want to. Nothing weird, just random tangents of reality manipulated by my mind. I'll go through scenarios in my dreams that are possible to occur in everyday life, but very highly unlikely. And it's the fact that my mind always plays with these tangents. I can sit and think of what "could" happen today, but then, the events that would lead to such a thing never occur, leaving me a bit confused.
Why am I thinking up these situations with such high definition when none have ever come to reality? Perhaps its because I wish life were different, or more interesting than the monotony it has become. Maybe its for my mind's entertainment, I dunno. And now I officially sound like I'm losing my mind.
On another note, I'll be going paintballing again tomorrow with Sean, Nate, Steve-O, and a few others (I think). Maybe it'll let me wind down a bit and let some aggression out.
Now Playing - "The Cardigans - My Favorite Game"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:13 AM
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Thursday, March 11, 2004
Cause it's a Bitter Sweet Symphony
Hey everyone, reporting to you from my Digital Imaging class with some great news. It's been foretold that a music video assignment is going to be given and so I'm working on a getting a head start. I've decided to go with The Verve's Bitter Sweet Symphony.
I'll be doing some R&D on the background of the song today: looking over the lyrics, understanding the point of view, writing a rough idea of what I want to shoot in my video. Yet another time consuming thing for me to do, but I think I'll be able to enjoy doing this one.
This a call out to all of my immediate friends. I need some people to help me shoot this video! This is going to be a tough music video to make if I don't have any help. Please contact me by AIM (My screen name is "Padrino Five7" without the quotes, obviously.) or just talk to me at school/church about it. Thanks.
Well, I'm off to my research.
Now Playing - "Paul Oakenfold - Motion"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 8:38 AM
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Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Warning: Irritable Condition
That's right. Parents, keep your kids at home! Kids, hide your goldfish! I'm not really in the mood to put up with anybody's garbage. So if you have anything to say that might be remotely offensive to me, save it for a later date.
As you've read lately, I've been living in a high-stress environment. So much so that my own body is having anxiety attacks where my heart just starts racing for no real apparent reason. I've lost my appetite to eat, but that's nothing extremely new to anyone. I'm starting to get a little worried to see my body shut down like it has been, so now that my projects are finished and I have less to worry about and I can finally get some rest. That is, if I could stay asleep for more than 2 hours at a time. But alas, I am still alive, with enough energy to greet each day anew.
Therefore, I forwarn all of whom I meet each day to understand that I'm under a lot of pressure right now and that I need a bit more space than usual.
I'm tired, I can't see straight, and the Aleve isn't helping.....good night.
Now Playing - "The Verve - Lucky Man"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 10:10 PM
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Monday, March 08, 2004
No rest for the weary
It has truly been a long and trying day for me. School had its normal level of stress throughout the day, despite the sad and unexpected news of Wes's brother's death (My prayers are with you and your family, Wes.). Each class ran its normal pace, and by fifth period Government, I was so ready to go home. Of course, I was only fooling myself into thinking that being home was any better than being at school. I have a project due tomorrow, so I had worked on it from the second I walked into my room. At about 5:30 or so I went to the airport to pick up my brother and my sister-in-law. After taking them home I went to choir. Sean had asked me to help him with the video editing tonight, so I stayed about an hour after choir let out splicing and dicing video for our youth group's "Word On The Street" series. It's been an interesting day.
And now I'm at home, writing this, wishing that I could just read a book while lying in my bed, however, the sad truth is that I'm not finished with this seemingly pointless Government project. I estimate about 2 or so more hours worth the work. Then I'll be lucky if I can sleep, because I'll probably be wired on coffee by that point in the evening.
Now Playing - "(Secret of Mana) OC Remix - Children of the Monkey Machine - Pure Lands"
Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:33 PM
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All writings, poems, and rants are Copyright © Ryan Bach. If you want to use my writings, contact me first!
