Realm of Thoughts

"The strongest voice of all is that of your own mind. Let its speech not be hindered."

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Saturday, May 29, 2004

Meet the parents

Last night Jesse and I went to family night at my house, and most of you know how odd/crazy/emotionally abrasive/mentally tormenting my family can be on that designated night. Fortunately things went quite well. My family loves Jesse. There were a few awkward moments in which they tried to throw the spotlight on her, but for the most part things went well and we had a good time.

After that, her and I sat in my car talking til about 2AM. We were talking about ourselves, our little querks, and other preferences. Even though it was late, I somehow felt like I could talk there for hours without falling asleep, like I instantly felt awake.

Talking with her has been what I look forward to each day. And I realized that with each passing moment, she becomes more and more beautiful to me.

And today's adventure consists of her meeting my father, of which I have no worries at all. I know my dad will accept her with open arms. He's cool like that.

After that I'll probably have to help my mom around the house, and then I'm gonna go watch a movie with Jesse at her house.

Now Playing - "Modest Mouse - Interlude (Milo)"

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 12:04 PM

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Friday, May 28, 2004

Realization

Most of the people who know me have seen that in the past year, my life has been caught in a constant state of tension. I had met new people and become obligated to take the reigns of the friendships. If they needed something, I'd get it. If they needed to be somewhere, I'd take them. If they needed to talk, I'd be there to listen. Back before high school, friends were hard to come by, and even then I would sacrifice myself for one.

Now things have started to unwind a bit. I have learned that being more obligated to people makes them more dependent on you than they should. So I pulled away from them. It had become such a burden to carry everyone and people became so demanding.

I had realized that my giving was only taking away. How can someone help themself or even want to if I was always providing? What I wanted for my friends is for their lives to be well, but I can only help so much. I'd never run from my friends if they needed me, but the definition of "need" has been changed. I can't give in to the minor things anymore. Sometimes its best if people figured something out for themselves.

As for me, I have had to figure out my own things lately. Friendships is one of them. What each is based off of, if I was putting in too much and recieving nothing. If there any fruitless efforts. This has been one of the biggest stresses of my life.

And thanks to God, I have someone I can love and they can love me back. Jesse has been the biggest blessing of my life. Even the circumstances of our meeting would say that this was no "by chance" happening. She has given me a happiness unexplainable. People have walked up to me lately and told me that I've been smiling a lot more. That I look happier. And I realized that this happened right after the night I met her. She filled me with so much joy, because she didn't expect things of me, and so I freely gave. And I do not expect things from her, and she gives. Her and I quickly became close and now we're together. Everyday I thank God for this, for her. She has truly lightened my spirits.

Back to friends, I must say this. I will always be there for my friends in time of need. I do not believe in abandoning them. However, there are circumstances in which I will not always be there to help and even in that, my presence may make the situation worse. I hold my friendships close to me because I have had so few in my lifetime. My friends are like family to me.

Now Playing - "Rooney - Simply Because"

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 8:48 AM

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Living in a dream

Well, I just got home from dropping off like 7 people from Youth Group after we all hung out at Starbucks and I'm dead tired. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm posting this.

There isn't anything to post about rather than the fact that I'm so dead tired right now.

Jesse and I are doing quite well, and she gives me a reason to battle each day.
Here's to one more day of school this week!

Bodagem-huzzah!

Good night everyone.
Now Playing - "(FF6) OC Remix - Daniel Baranowsky - Agony Of Obscuration"

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 12:00 AM

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Tuesday, May 25, 2004

We'll all float on anyway

Regarding the last post, I'd just like to tell everyone with great enthusiasm that as of May 23, Jesse and I are now dating. As soon as I can get some pictures uploaded, I will share them with all of you readers.

School's coming to a close here soon and graduation is creeping closer and closer. I'm still without a job, and have yet to even submit my application that I picked up two weeks ago. I have failed even attempting to argue my test results of the SOAR test in the math portion. I have somehow slipped into a mode of procrastination. Some call it senioritis, but I think it's just plain stupid. I should want to do these things because they matter.

The biggest thing out of all of those is applying for a job. Life's gonna suck when the pot runs dry, so I need to find one ASAP.

Next up is the application, but I'm not all that concerned about it because it's probably correct anyway. It's been a year since my last math class and I really don't retain a whole lot of math because there's so many formulas to fight with and I usually get them confused. So chances are, even if I did challenge the test, I'd be in the same class they gave me.

So life's going well despite a few things that are mainly my fault anyway.

Now Playing - "Modest Mouse - Satin In A Coffin"

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 8:58 PM

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Thursday, May 20, 2004

Fast friendship

I came back to blog about what has happened since prom. It's so amazing how all of this happened that I believe it to be all God's work. I say that because it was all a course of events that it seemed I was at the right place at the right time, and I'm so glad I was.

I was at prom stag because Lizzie had decided to go to her prom instead and so I wasn't too happy when I arrived. Things were a bit slow at first so I just started the night off with some coffee to make sure I would stay awake (this came in handy later on) and then I moved into the ballroom to sit down at our group's table. The music started and I sat and watched for awhile. I'm not usually one to help start off the dance floor, but I'll usually get in when there's more people on it. I went out and danced for awhile, grabbed a soda, then went and sat back down.

Then as I was sipping my drink, I noticed a girl sitting across from me all alone and looking upset. I had asked others to see if they knew what was wrong, but no one seemed to know. So after a little thought I decided to walk up to her and ask if she was feeling alright. She said she was, and I still noticed an upset look in her eyes, so I offered her to dance if she ever felt up to it.

Katelyn introduced us. The beautiful girl who had been upset not too long ago was Jesse. And I had no idea at that time that my life would change from this point on.
Later through the night we danced. I got a slow dance with her and I was going to give her my last dance, but some other girl grabbed me and pulled me away. While I was dancing with the other with the other girl, I looked over at Jesse and apologized silently. She just smiled back and after the dance I walked back over to the group.

We were all deciding to leave and so we all decided we would head to In And Out to grab a bite to eat. Jesse didn't want to head back in the limo with the group so I offered and she rode with me. During the ride her and I started talking and began to get to know each other. We pulled into the parking lot of the In And Out to find a man doing katas out in the parking lot of the Walmart nearby. Jesse and I got a great kick out of watching this guy do roundhouses, punches, and jumpkicks. When we arrived at In And Out, the limo hadn't arrived yet so we began to talk. She had been complimenting me on how nice I was and how polite I was from any other guy she'd known. I told her it was just my nature and upbringing, nothing special, but she insisted. She is such a sweet girl. Soonafter the limo arrived and we all went inside to eat. When the others began throwing french fries and being imature, Jesse decided that she wanted me to take her home instead of heading back in the limo. I said it was fine and we decided to take off once the others started to die down after running out of adrenaline.

We started off and her and I got to talking about anything and everything and once we reached her house we decided it would be fine to just continue talking. We talked for about 3 hours until my mom called me at 4:30AM to find out where I was. I convinced my mom I was on my way home and then Jesse and I finished our conversation. She had a great time talking with me and so I got her number and gave her a hug. I told her I'd call her the next day, and then I headed off home grab some sleep. That night was the first time I had no problems gonig to sleep in a long while.

Jesse made me feel so great and I felt like I could be me around her. Like her and I had been friends who hadn't seen each other in years talking about where they've been and what they've been up to. It was all so amazing.

I really believe there is something special between me and this girl, Jesse. I think God placed me at prom to meet her, and I'm so glad I went now.

Now Playing - "Modest Mouse - The World At Large"
(Continued Friday, May 21 2004)

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 5:39 PM

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Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Now Playing - Songs from 5/2/2003 to 5/11/2004

Don't touch that dial...here we go

Dido - Thank You
(FFVII) OC Remix - Ceracryst - Heart's Anxiety
Creadence Clearwater Revival - Midnight Special
AC/DC - Thunderstruck
Moby - Natural Blues
Beastie Boys - Fight For Your Right To Party
Blind Melon - No Rain
Lynard Skynard - Freebird
Jim's Big Ego - After The Tornado
Dialated Peoples - Turntablism
dc Talk - Say The Words (Now Remix)
E-Type - Set The World On Fire
Moby - Porcelain
Sum 41 - Hell Song
Jim's Big Ego - Prince Charming
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony
(FFIX) OC Remix - NoppZ - Jammin' Loneliness
Final Fantasy IX OST - The Dark Messenger
(FFVI) OC Remix - Maestrodeclure - Rachel's Gift
Foo Fighters - Times Like These
Cowboy Bebop - Rain
Cowboy Bebop - Black Coffee
The Specials - Too Much Too Young
Cowboy Bebop - Give And Take
(FFIV) OC Remix - aneurySm - SNES Battle Medly
Samuel Barber - Agnus Dei
No Doubt - Hella Good
(Starfox) OC Remix - The Wingless - Godspeed
(Lunar)OC Remix - djpretzel - Blue Lament
The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary
Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger
(Chrono Cross) OC Remix - Marc Star - Crossfire
Blind Melon - Drive
Blind Melon - Swallowed
Eagles - Hotel California
Steve Miller Band - Take Your Money and Run
Steve Miller Band - Jet Airliner
(Chrono Trigger) OC Remix - E-Bison - Time Management
Offspring - The Kids Aren't Alright
Booker T. And the MG's - Green Onions
Chrono Cross OST - Scars of Time
Sublime - Badfish
Smash Mouth - Padrino
Cowboy Bebop - Elm
Moby - Run On
Linkin' Park - Session
The World Domination Potluck *Friday Mornings 2am-4am ( http://www.kuci.org:889)
(FF7) OC Remix - Jeremy Robson - Philharmonic Suite Part 1
Coldplay - Clocks
(Street Fighter 2) OC Remix - Star Salzman - Tatsumakisenputronic
Cake - Never There
dc Talk - Jesus Freak
(FFVII) OC Remix - Star Salzman - Cid Sends a Dream to the Undersea Palace
Five Iron Frenzy - Fistful of Sand
(FFIV) OC Remix - Isopropyl - Submission
Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun
Good Charlotte - A New Beginning
(Chrono Cross) OC Remix - Chronosis - Time Voyager
(Chrono Cross) OC Remix - Russell Cox - Molding of Destinies
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Up Around The Bend
Fifth Dimension - Age of Aquarius
(Mega Man 3) OC Remix - Disco Dan - Blue Lighting
Blind Melon - Change
FF8 OST - Find Your Way
30 Seconds to Mars - Edge of the Earth
Dj Sasha, Dj Plump, Dj Icey, and Dj BT - Breakbeat Mix
P.O.D. - Youth of the Nation
(Metal Gear Solid 2) OC Remix - Spyder - Electric Gear Solid
(Wizards and Warriors) OC Remix - bazooie - Wizards and Warriors' Theme
(Punch-Out) OC Remix - Game Over - Little Mac's Confession
Esthero - Windmills of Your Mind
(Actraiser) OC Remix - McVaffe - Freestyle
(Wild Arms) OC Remix - Marc Star - Rosetta Refrain
Mr. Scruff - Blackpool Roll
Matchbox 20 - If You're Gone
(Radical Dreamers) OC Remix - mp - Far Drama
(Ninja Gaiden) OC Remix - Daknit, Bard of Tarot - Song of Chaos
(Metal Gear Solid) OC Remix - Vigilante - May Fortune Smile Upon You
(Ninja Gaiden 2)OC Remix - silent - In The Atrium
Alchemist; Chali 2na - FRGT/10
Linkin Park - One Step Closer
Aaron Lewis; Mike Shinoda - KRWLNG
Jason Mraz - The Remedy
Detsl - Slezy
dc Talk - My Friend (So Long)
Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
The Streets - Turn The Page
3 Doors Down - Be Like That
Plankeye - Scared
Jars of Clay - Flood
Sum 41 - Better Off Dead
Queen - Now I'm Here
Jars of Clay - Like A Child
Telepopmusik - Animal Man
Dido - Don't Think of Me
(Punchout!) OC Remix - Scott Peeples - Dream Fighter
Newsboys - Entertaining Angels
(Chrono Trigger) OC Remix - Suzumebachi - Forever
Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
(Zelda)OC Remix - The Rabbit Joint - Rabbit Joint Cover
Audio Adrenaline - Chevette
Paul Oakenfold - Southern Sun
Five Iron Frenzy - Plan B
Cowboy Bebop - Words That We Couldn't Say
K-Pax OST - Grand Central
Ottmar Liebert - Barcelona Nights
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Have You Ever Seen The Rain?
Final Fantasy VII - One Winged Angel (Orchestrated)
Paul Oakenfold - Hold Your Hand
The W's - The Devil Is Bad
Jim's Big Ego - Bite Me Hard
Jimmy Eat World - The Middle
Cowboy Bebop - The Egg And I
E-Type - This Is The Way
Dick Dale - Let's Go Trippin'
the abbott experience - Take You For Granted
E-Type - Will I See You Again
Tourniquet - Oh Well
Tourniquet - Pecking Order
(Chrono Trigger) OC Remix - Children of the Monkey Machine - Ruined World
Anberlin - Ready Fuels
The Streets - Same Old Thing
(Secret of Mana) OC Remix - Children of the Monkey Machine - Pure Lands
The Verve - Lucky Man
Paul Oakenfold - Motion
The Cardigans - My Favorite Game
Rooney - Simply Because
Rooney - Popstars
Rooney - Stay Away
E-Type - Free
Final Fantasy IX OST - Theme Of Dagger
Jimmy Eat World - Cautioners
Jim's Big Ego - Boston Band
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Hey Tonight
(Final Fantasy) OC Remix - Nobuo Uematsu - Retentions of Conflict
Anberlin - Glass To The Arson
No Vacancy - Heal me, I'm Heartsick
School Of Rock - School Of Rock
Michelle Branch - Everywhere
(Chrono Trigger) OC Remix - djpretzel - Revival Day Impoetus
(F-Zero) OC Remix - JigginJonT - Silent Progression
Coldplay - Beautiful World
Ottmar Liebert - After The Rain
Art Of Noise - Moments In Love
The Chemical Brothers - Block Rockin' Beats
Paul Oakenfold - Zoo York

Leave a message after the beep...

That's it for the featured songs of the year. Good night.

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 11:52 PM

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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Happy Belated Birthday, Realm Of Thoughts

I dunno how I missed it, but Realm Of Thoughts has been around for a whole year as of May 2, 2003! I guess I was just caught up in life, though in the back of my head I knew it was coming up. I'll post something special next time in honor of my first year.

Laterz.

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:45 AM

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Monday, May 10, 2004

(@.@).oO(Huh?)

Yeah, that was the first and last time I will ever use faces in the title.

Ok, I guess I can give my thanks to Blogger for changing their template yet again, especially since (from first glance) the previous version was much better. Simplicity isn't always greatness.

I finally finished my music video project and have started to transfer it onto the school server. It ended up being 6:15 (m:s) long, and though that is quite long for a video, I still didn't have enough time to put in the full story I had in mind for the video. I'm mildly content with my work on this one. I had a little more I wanted to do with it in terms of cleaning it up, but seeing how I was already overdue by a week, I decided to turn it in. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to this type of thing, so it's really irritating to see that I can't take more time on this assignment. Honestly, the deadline for this thing was scheduled so badly, I can't see how the teacher thought we'd be able to have it filmed, edited, and transfered in the course of 4 weeks.

(Continued on Tuesday)

Prom's still coming up and now I'll be going to it alone, unless I find someone else with the same situation as me. Lizzie decided to go to her Prom rather than mine, which is fine, but I chose not to go to hers. I felt I needed to go to mine because it's my last year at FVHS, and well, I just wanted to be around my friends.

I've been pretty down lately, wondering why life takes the turns it does. But I suppose the worst thing for me to do right now is sit around asking 'why?' all the time. I have things to do, but it seems hard not to take a step back and look at where I am. Honestly, I'm in need of a weekend of just being by myself. No one to bother me, nor anyone to obligate me to hang around others. Just some "me time". That's what I could really use right now.

Now Playing - "Paul Oakenfold - Zoo York"

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 9:17 AM

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Saturday, May 08, 2004

Stage Manager extraordinaire

Somehow I was volunteered into working on the school's Fashion Show this weekend as a soundman/stage manager. Yesterday I was taught how to use the school's soundboard (much more simplistic than your average soundboard), then I was set to work on the stage. Just setting up some speakers, positioning the spotlight, working on the stage lights, and other stuff like that.

Even though I was volunteered for the job, I've actually enjoyed the idea from the start. I dunno, but I enjoy working on stage shows and the like. It's a project that I can actually get into, and it's one of the few jobs that "amount of effort = amount of satisfaction". Your effort on the job reflects how good the show will be. Sure other things can pop up, but the show still goes on. People will still enjoy it.

Perhaps I can find a job working this field of work. It's just something I think I really enjoy.

Now Playing - "The Chemical Brothers - Block Rockin' Beats"

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 8:19 AM

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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Caught in the midst

It seems as though I have been trapped in the obligations of life; losing track of all time, then waking up to realize there are still more things to be taken care of. Everything is so time-sensitive right now that I'm left in indecision and procrastination. Both of which are really not good at this point in time.

I have to take care of Prom still, assuming my date still wishes to go, and even so, I have to try and tell her that I want to go to my prom. Lately I haven't had much chance to talk to her about it since things haven't been going so well for her lately. There is a time and place to discuss everything, and I'm waiting for opportunity to bring up the subject. Unfortunately I don't have very long to do so.

I also haven't had much time to post anything recently, and because I predict such a trend to occur in the near future, chances are I won't be posting a whole lot. I'll try to grab some time and rant on a few things, but other than that, there probably won't be serious posts for the next two weeks.

Now Playing - "Art Of Noise - Moments In Love"

Posted by Ryan Bach .xXx. 12:10 AM

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